THE “WISH YOU” TISSUE!

THE “WISH YOU” TISSUE!

Aren’t you jealous?

Don’t you wish you

Had my SIX ply

Toilet tissue?!

 

It’s so comfy

When you go,

To take a “dumpfy,”

You will know,

 

That though the world

Around may fall,

You’ll never feel “squishy,”

Not at all!!  😊

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FIRE IN MY PANTS!

FIRE IN MY PANTS!

I’ve got fire in my pants!

The flames are climbing higher,

This ain’t about romance,

My situation is dire,

 

I gotta go,

Enough said,

Now, I know,

No more smoking in bed!  🙂

BASEBALL LOGIC!

BASEBALL LOGIC!

Since two out of three in baseball

Is quite a feat,

 

Then, after two good deeds,

You should be allowed one cheat!

 

And for each two truths,

Be allowed one lie,

 

And be allowed two lives,

Before you die!  😊

PLEASE GIVE ME A SQUEEZE!

PLEASE GIVE ME A SQUEEZE!

Darlin,’ give me a squeeze,

Or two hugs, if you please!

But no more can I handle,

My heart would burn like a Roman candle!

Your hugs light up my life,

And help me handle strife,

Your hugs are the perfect ointment,

To handle life’s disappointments,

And your hugs are like a soothing fiddle,

So, Darlin,’ please just give me a little…

Squeeze!  😊

THE HONEST QUERY LETTER

THE HONEST QUERY LETTER

Dear Literary Agent:

Publishing me would be a blunder,

Because success can breed failure,

My first book: maybe a one hit wonder,

But my second book would fail, for sure.

Sincerely,

Negative Author