ROLLING IN JELLY!

tub

ROLLING IN JELLY!

I am having fun

Rolling on my belly,

In a big, big tub

Filled with scuppernong jelly!

 

You should try it!

Come on, don’t sputter!

We can fill your tub

With peanut butter!   🙂

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WHEN I DIE!

road

WHEN I DIE!

When I die,

Please promise me, honey,

You won’t spend a lot of money

On a funeral, cuz that ain’t funny,

 

Instead, save the money

For your recreation,

See the world,

Take a vacation,

 

When I die,

Please just have me towed

In a cardboard box

To a nice country road,

 

Just leave me there,

Layin’ in the box,

With a can of sardines,

And in a pair of holey socks!   😊

REVENGE, A DISH BEST SERVED COLD

gator

REVENGE, A DISH BEST SERVED COLD

If you can pull up a chair and sit a spell,

I’ll tell you a long, gruesome tale,

It’s about the Ruby brothers, so listen well,

Them Rubys were always bound for Hell,

 

It’s also a story about cold revenge,

And evil and hate, and a murdering binge,

It started with John Deal, who was huntin’ in the woods,

Deal wandered around, more than he should,

 

He came upon the Rubys’ liquor still,

For this transgression, they aimed to kill,

The still was in the swamp inside a rustic cabana,

Way down yonder in southeast Louisiana,

 

The Rubys shot poor Deal in the back,

And tossed him inside the little shack,

Later, they drove him in a driving rain,

On backroads near Lake Ponchartrain,

 

Yes, they shot Deal and gave him a stomp,

Then, the evil cajuns dumped him in the swamp,

Coldly, callously, without a “see ya later,”

They figured he’d soon be ate by a gator,

 

But Deal wasn’t dead and made a deal with the gators,

“I’ll bring you two boys filled with fatback and taters!”

Poor Deal played the only hand he was dealt,

And the gators let him go, where he had knelt,

 

Deal kept his word, sure ‘nuff,

He got a gun and ropes and other stuff,

And got the jump on the Ruby men,

He tied ‘em up, like he had been,

 

He drove ‘em on the back roads like he had lain,

Late at night, near Lake Ponchartrain,

Then, he marched the boys into the cold swamp,

And hit each brother with a mighty whomp,

 

Then, he stood there and watched until

All the gators had eaten their fill!

So, that’s the story, as I was told,

About revenge, a dish which is best served cold.

THE FINGER SNAPPY PAPPY!

smilies

THE FINGER SNAPPY PAPPY!

I feel so darn good,

I’m a finger snappy pappy!

Who knew I could

Feel so slap dab happy!

 

It feels so darn good,

I can hardly stand it!

I’d make a million bucks,

If I knew how to can it!

 

It’s all because of you,

And because you love me!

I could jump a stump backwards

Then, jump another forty-three!

 

Come and get some, too,

Before some agency bans it,

And I’ll give you three kisses,

If you can help me can it!   🙂